trying to move

Well, I missed yesterday.  I'm going to give myself a break just this time, you know, a new project, developing habits and all that.  I'm finally starting to wrap up my little old life here in New York.  Yesterday I met a guy at my storage unit and he relieved me of the desk that I've been keeping for an unknown reason.  Why did I hold onto it?  I guess there was a part of me, or there is a part of me, that's holding onto things here.  But not really for the reasons of love of the city.  Don't get me wrong, I do love the city, but I've never really developed the kind of roots and identity here I'm looking for.  I think grad school has helped me develop my skills at writing and reading, but there is still the motivational factor effecting my ability to write my thesis.  I don't know, perhaps it's my fear that once I finish I'm going to be in the same situation I was when I started, finished, and not sure what to do next.  At least right now I'm ostensibly working towards something tangible.  And if that tangibility goes away, I'm afraid I'll be lost and drifting without a purpose.  On a basic level I know this is rediculous, only I can keep myself motivated and growing and successful.  But I often find myself tragically paralyzed by fear of failure.  The irony is this fear of failure and its results are the real problems keeping me from moving forward.  So why doesn't knowing this help?  I'm trying to let it.  I'm trying to change.  One day at a time.  Today.  One day.