The elimination of Afterlife

I've finally narrowed it down to two topics. Yeah! Baby steps, but I also just made a giant leap of faith by telling my professor I'll have a first draft of my proposal ready in two weeks! Ack! What was I thinking! Especially now that I've taken on the extra task of painting a set in the same amount of time. I suppose I should just say goodbye to sleeping now, especially seeing that I'm turning thirty in eight days, so next weekend is pretty much full. But I'm vowing to become one of those crazy working machines. A robot of sorts if you will! Has anyone out there ever accomplished this? I'm having faith that I can accomplish this without the addition of a crack problem into my life. We'll just have to see. Good luck to everyone out there who is also trying to figure out life and working towards their goals. Let's get to work!

task one done

Email sent! I am now vacillating between breathing, and freaking out...Now to contact the other two mentors from the college. Still feeling like a dork. Ugh.

Urg...

Sending the professor email about thesis topic changing is freaking me out. So I'm posting about it instead while I work up the courage. To pseudo-quote Alice in Wonderland, why do I give very good advice but very seldom follow it? Well, I guess if I want to succeed and not be a hypocrite, I'd better get on this.

Starting it off...Finally.

Day six into the new year's resolution. Some things are going well, some are well...still at a bit of standstill. For instance the daily updates are once again in the new year, as they were last year, now six days behind. A wise person once told me the definition of insanity is expecting different results when we enact the same behaviors. I think there is something to be said for the anxiety I feel that can be somewhat debilitating. There is a weird fear of failure. I know in my honest and forthright thoughts if I continue down the path of procrastination and fear, nothing will change, and will in fact, probably get worse. But by making the actions I need to succeed there is still the chance of failure. So I am left with what in no way should be a dilemma, either way the worst could happen, but at least in one direction there is the opportunity of growth, happiness and successful contentment. So it seems silly and absolutely, well, stupid to not at least give it a try. I tell my students every day they can do this! They can succeed! But I get anxious, lose my breath (and not in the good way!) and find myself paralyzed with fear. Ack! What a terrible feeling. And I know I'm not the only one who's realized and experienced this moment. There are lots of people out there who for one reason or another stay stuck in ruts. Blame the economy, blame the family, blame the world. But really, none of those are to blame. We are. I am. So here's to day one of a journey that could take us to great places or knock us flat on our asses. The old joke, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at at time." Is my new motto. And "Positive Outcomes Only!" which I'm stealing from a new guilty factor tv show (because a girl's gotta have her vices), are my new mottos. I would even have the acronim for the latter inked on my body if it didn't mean I'd be walking around with the letters P.O.O. on my skin. So here are today's projects;
1.Contact the IRS and figure out the forms I'm supposed to be filling out.
2.Read Jobs vs. Careers.
3.Upload the rest of the pics for my website (including photographing and editing the old portfolio)
4.E-mailing profs to figure out what I need to do to get moving forward on the thesis.
5.Get list together of dissertations/thesis to read at UO next week.
6.Budget!
7.Go Running.
8.Tomorrow's to do list!
8.Make fabulous dinner for me and the bf.
9.Breathe! One day at a time kids, one day at a time :)
10.Figure out when to get hair done, because I think I was doing better as a blonde :)